Too Late
by Throttled
Summary: *FINISHED* Not able to live with the pain any longer, Sakura Kinomoto commited suicide. But soon afterwards, Syaoran finds her diary. He opened to book but only to discover her innermost secret... she loved him!!! S+S at the end. Suck at summaries...
1. The Heartbreaking Wedding

First of all, I would like to give the honour of this fic to StarJade, she is a truly amazing author and her story - Childhood Crush - inspired me to write this, it's going to be quite short but I hope u enjoy it.  
  
  
  
THE HEARTBREAKING WEDDING  
  
  
  
A girl stood beside an open window, her auburn hair danced along with the evening breeze. Emerald eyes stared out into the space, unfocused. Wet tear trials stained her pale cheeks, fresh waves of tears were already forming. But she took no notice of them. For her mind was somewhere else.  
  
Today was the day her two best friends got married.  
  
Tomoyo Daidouji and Syaoran Li.  
  
At these names, her heart tightened painfully and her eyes gloss over with water she knew that shouldn't be there. But she couldn't help it.  
  
She had been to their wedding of course, in fact she was the bridesmaid. Her face still held the unwashed make-up, and her seemed-to-be joyous laughter rang silently in her ears. But her heart betrayed her as she recalled the holy ceremony.  
  
@FLASHBACK@  
  
The wedding was held in a small church just on the outskirts of Tomeoda. A clear and tranquil stream ran in front of the small House Of God. Tall evergreens stood behind the building, rose bushes enclosed the church, giving it a wonderful atmosphere of love and gentleness.  
  
Birds in the nearby trees sang their songs for the two lovebirds. People were already congregating inside the little church. All of them were chattering excitedly and all of them looked very happy for the soon-to-be- husband-and-wife, but none of them looked surprised at all.  
  
Staring at the laughing crowds was a girl, she must be in her late teens or early twenties. She stood at the front door, dressed in a beautiful pink gown, which fitted her body nicely. Her auburn hair was done up delicately, strands that frame her face were curled, mascara made her eyes look bigger and prettier, bronze eye-shadow brought out the brilliant emerald colour of her eyes.  
  
But glistening liquid shone in those eyes. One would think they were tears of joy, which they were . partly.  
  
But if you look deeper, you could tell that wasn't all. True, she was happy, she was happy for her best friends. But she was also sad, her heart was breaking bit by bit. The transparent beads weren't just tears of happiness.  
  
They were also tears of despair.  
  
Tears of longing . yearning for something she knows she will never have.  
  
And what was that thing? It was love.  
  
She loved the soon-to-be-husband, which was a bad thing to do, as he would soon be bound to someone else. She loved him ever since she was a child, when they were best friends. Growing up together made her love for him stronger.  
  
She loved Syaoran Li. The future leader of the powerful Li Clan of China.  
  
But she knew he never loved her, cared for her as the way he cared for their other best friend. Tomoyo Daidouji.  
  
Of course, there was no surprise he loved Tomoyo rather than her. Tomoyo was perfect in every way possible. She was breathtakingly beautiful for one, in fact, one look at her and you would think you've just seen an angel. Tomoyo has a great voice too, her singing was just . indescribable, it would melt even a stone man's heart. Tomoyo was kind to everyone, even to those she didn't already know. And of course, Tomoyo loved Syaoran also.  
  
The emerald-eyed girl sighed, trying to block out those unforgiving memories. She wanted to cry so badly, but she couldn't, for Tomoyo and Syaoran, she will be strong. She won't ruin the best day of their lives.  
  
But deep inside her heart, she was still grieving, crying and breaking. Although it was extremely hard for to take in the fact that Syaoran would never love her, and that he loved Tomoyo, his true and only love. She had accepted it. She absorbed the painful truth into her heart. When she was little, she had hoped that one day, Syaoran would look at her with the longing and the love he always gave Tomoyo. But that was too much to ask. And the wish never came true.  
  
No one ever knew of her feelings towards Syaoran. And she intended to keep it that way. She didn't want her foolish love for Syaoran to destroy the happiness he and Tomoyo could share . and will share.  
  
She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realise the wedding had already begun.  
  
Syaoran stood in front of the alter, in his white tuxedo which Tomoyo insisted on making. His unruly chestnut locks were alive with energy, bouncing up and down as though they were just as excited as Syaoran. His deep amber eyes shone with what seemed like excitement, nervousness and love as Tomoyo walked into the view.  
  
The auburn haired girl walked in front of Tomoyo. Her pink gown rustled softly behind her as she walked past the rows of people. The blood red roses she held in her hands gave an intoxicating smell, but she paid no attention to that. She was too busy trying to choke back the sobs in her throat and the tears she held in her eyes to notice anything else.  
  
As Tomoyo strolled gracefully down the aisle, people gasped. They had never seen such a beauty. Tomoyo had decided to leave her hair down, dark loose curls tumbled down her back. Her creamy milk skin seemed even paler in comparison. Large sparkling amethyst jewels shone brightly with love and anticipation as she spotted her love. Her white bride gown hugged her body, not very tightly, but still enough to show off her curves, white satin trial followed her as she walked. A flower-knitted band was placed on top of her head, like a crown. She was smiling.  
  
The bridesmaid refused to look into the eyes of the handsome man in front of her. She already knew he loved the woman walking behind her, but seeing it in his eyes would just be unbearable.  
  
The wedding march stopped as everyone stood in their positions. The auburn headed girl stood silently beside Tomoyo, head facing downwards so no one could see the tears. The best man, also stood silently beside Syaoran. His midnight blue hair swayed ever so gently, dark azure eyes shone merrily at the soon-to-be husband and wife.  
  
No one noticed her.  
  
The girl listened dully to what the priest was saying, the promises were made and repeated by the two lovers, and now it was time for the fatal vows...  
  
'Will you, Syaoran Li, take this woman, Tomoyo Daidouji, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to hold, to care and to cherish till the day that you die.'  
  
'I do.' Was the confident reply. Amazing how two words could make such a big reaction. The pink-dressed girl flinched vigorously, and her head drooped even more.  
  
'And will you, Tomoyo Daidouji, take this man, Syaoran Li, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to hold, to care and to cherish till the day that you die.'  
  
Holding tears in her beautiful eyes, Tomoyo answered, equally confident, 'I do.'  
  
Syaoran smiled gently at her and squeezed her hands to ensure her that it'll be fine.  
  
The priest now turned towards the audience, many of whom were crying and sniffing, and proclaimed in a bold, clear voice,  
  
'Then, by the holy power invested in me, as well as god who is present at this very moment.' He stopped dramatically as his eyes searched the silent people in front of him, and continued, 'I declare you husband and wife.' A woman fainted in her seat and her boyfriend had to catch her before she collapsed totally.  
  
Syaoran and Tomoyo had never looked so happy, tears now ran freely down Tomoyo's cheeks, smudging her mascara just a little. Syaoran, being the tough guy he was, couldn't even suppress a couple of tears which started to form in his amber eyes.  
  
'The rings please.'  
  
The green eyed girl reached into a pocket on her gown and pulled out a box. She opened it carefully, and took the sacred ring out. Purple diamonds studded tightly together, a few amethyst gems were encrusted around the diamonds. 'Syaoran and Tomoyo, eternally together' was calved onto the delicate gold band. It was beautiful. just like the marriage..  
  
She gave the ring to Syaoran, who smiled at her warmly and happily, but it wasn't the same smile he always reserved for Tomoyo. No. it was different.  
  
Syaoran and Tomoyo exchanged rings, the beautiful ring fitted perfectly on Tomoyo's hand, just like how Tomoyo's ring fitted perfectly onto Syaoran's finger.  
  
During all this time, the auburn haired girl stood there quietly, a few tears finally escaped their home and landed onto the pink gown, staining and darkening the fabric. They weren't happy tears though.  
  
'And now, you may kiss the bride.' The priest smiled at the newly wed as he finished the wedding ritual.  
  
Syaoran and Tomoyo leaned in slowly, their eyes began to close. Syaoran reached for Tomoyo's waist just as Tomoyo opened her arms to wrap around Syaoran's neck.  
  
The girl beside them trembled fearfully and unstoppably.  
  
Syaoran and Tomoyo's lips were now merely a centimetre apart, the girl was doing everything she could not to look at them.  
  
Then the two pairs of lips met and locked themselves into a passionate kiss. The sound of wild cheering and enthusiastic applause rang out in the small church, wolf whistles soon added themselves into the loud noise.  
  
No one had noticed that the bridesmaid had broke down. Now on her knees, she was crying silently, no noise was coming out, but tear were running down her cheeks freely.  
  
As she stood up again, she turned away from the kissing couple. Walking away from the crowds, she knew what she must do now.  
  
She had done her job, no matter how hard it was, she had been there for Tomoyo and Syaoran's most important day in their lives. And now . it was time for her to put her soul to rest.  
  
Her name was Sakura, and this is her life.  
  
  
  
A/N awwww. sry folks, I was supposed 2 rite longer than this but I can't b bothered, hope u all lik it! ^^  
  
PS chappie 2 shud come out very soon, don't worry!!! PPS it was s'posed 2 b realli short but I've got a feeling it's gonna b quite long. So long, ppl. 


	2. The Unthinkable

Ok, this chapter is gonna be kinda dark in a way. And it may contain some swearing that young children may find disturbing. Thank you.  
  
  
  
THE UNTHINKABLE  
  
  
  
SAKURA'S POV  
  
I wiped away the tears that had escaped from my eyes, wondering why I can't just accept the fact.  
  
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, SAKURA!!!  
  
He doesn't love me, so why the fuck can't I just forget about him and move on?! He hurt me, he broke my heart, he BLOODY FUCKING KILLED ME INSIDE!!! I should be angry with him right now. Here that, him not me. But.  
  
It's not really his fault that he's in love with Tomoyo. I mean, she is practically every I'm not. Beautiful, talented, intelligent. I mean, it's no surprise he doesn't love me.  
  
So why can't I just get over him? Why can't I just forget he ever even existed? Why is he so special? WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM?!?!?!  
  
I moved away from the window, unable to look outside anymore. I stared at the little pink book on my bed, and walked up to it. Grabbing a pencil, I wrote. I don't know how long I stayed there, jotting things in that book. But by the time I finished, I was feeling slightly relaxed. It's good to have another know what you're feeling, even if it's just a book. I kissed it gently, not caring that someone might find it anymore. And laid it on my desk.  
  
Next, I slowly walked up to the door, and locked it. I then looked into my full-length mirror, taking in my whole appearance for the last time.  
  
Long auburn locks fell past my shoulders and dangled freely around my waist, the previous hair-do had been removed, but it left the hairs more curlier than they were. Eyeliner and mascara ran down my cheeks, they seemed to drag my whole face down, making me look old and ugly. My eyes were a dull green colour, no sparkle, no shine. Just green. Lipstick-free lips were dry and parted. A plain, normal body was covered by the pink gown. I've no curves like Tomoyo, and no elegance like her either. I was normal, plain, and boring.  
  
I'm not ugly, I knew that, but I'm not exactly the most beautiful creature on the whole planet. I wasn't gifted with natural beauty and grace. No, Tomoyo had them all.  
  
I stared at the image without blinking. The more I looked at it, the angrier I became. Why can't I have amethyst eyes like Tomoyo? Why can't I have pale, milky skin like her? Why can't I have her flawless body? And why can't I have Syaoran???  
  
I felt warmness on my cheek again. Dammit, I realised, it was a tear. A stupid tear, why are you even here? You can't do anything. I hate you, I hate my life, and most of all, I HATE MYSELF!!!  
  
What kind of a friend am I? I should be happy, I should be celebrating with Tomoyo and Syaoran for their wedding. I should be glad, I should be pleased, I should be everything I'm not!!!  
  
I balled my hands into fists on either sides of my body. Sharp nails dug into my palm, drawing blood. But strangely, it didn't really hurt, the sting when it pierced almost felt comforting. I looked down at my hands again. And saw the shiny red liquid that was flowing out. Beautiful I thought.  
  
I always had a fascination with blood. It was so surreal in a way. I know that blood symbolises death, pain and torture. But to me, it has always been more like a symbol of . I don't know really . relieve I guess.  
  
I watched as the blood dripped and dropped onto the white carpet, where it went surprising well with the colour. I looked up again, and with all the hate I felt, all the pain I went through, and all the secrets I had hidden with effort, I stared at myself.  
  
I HATE YOU!!!  
  
My whole body started to shake violently, and I clenched my teeth together, almost too painfully. I closed my eyes, attempting to calm myself down, but all I saw was Tomoyo and Syaoran, the perfect couple.  
  
I opened my eyes but looked away from the mirror. I can't take it anymore, the torture, the grief I go through each day is too much. If this is the only way to end it, then so be it.  
  
I walked to my bedside table, where a few pills laid. With a last sigh, I popped it into my mouth and swallowed it without the help of water. I felt it slide down my throat dryly. Next, I reached into a drawer and grabbed the penknife my mother had given me since I was a child. It was supposed to keep the evils away when I sleep. But now its purpose has been changed.  
  
Slowly yet steadily, I held the knife to my left wrist, and took a deep breath. This is it, I thought, no more turning back. And as I held my breath and bit my lips, I swiped. Blood immediately flowed. The beautiful liquid ran silently down my arm and dripped onto the ground.  
  
I exhaled the breath I had been holding. The pain was immediate. But it was nothing to what I feel every day in my heart.  
  
I exchanged the knife to the other hand. And with the same process, I slit my other wrist. The same result came.  
  
I watched almost relaxingly as my life was slowly drained away. I felt the pills take their toll and I quietly slipped into my bed.  
  
This is the bed I have slept in ever since I was a child. The bed I had cried on when my mum died, dad died, and brother died. It had comforted me so much that a thank you alone is not enough. I don't know how I can ever repay it, but I know that this is the bed I want to be in forever.  
  
So even if I am going to die, this is the bed I want to die in.  
  
The sleeping pill I had taken helped me. They made me sleep; they calmed my weeping heart. And most importantly, they allowed me to have a painless and dreamless sleep, for once in my whole life..  
  
  
  
A/N ok sorry, this is kinda scary chapter I know, and I didn't really have a good idea of how I could end the chapter. Oh well, let's just hope you enjoy it. Bye!!! ^_^ 


	3. Discovering

  
  
Chapter 3  
  
DISCOVERING  
  
  
  
SYAORAN'S POV  
  
I stirred, it was morning, birds are chirping outside, and the sun is high up in the sky. I dizzily opened my eyes.  
  
The first thing I saw was hair. Dark, long, silky locks of hair. I was confused for a minute, then I remembered. I'm married!!! I stared down at the beautiful maiden in front of me, scarcely believing that she's my wife! I smiled as I reached out a hand to caress her cheeks. As I gently rubbed, Tomoyo smiled in her sleep and her eyes started to flutter.  
  
'Morning, sunshine.' I said before kissing her softly on the lips.  
  
'Mmmm.' was the reply I got.  
  
I then sat up and rubbed my eyes. Wow, I didn't realise that we were in such hurry last night that we threw clothes all over the place! There was my tuxedo on the table and Tomoyo's wedding gown hanging on top of the mirror. My boxers were thrown all the way in the other room. And Tomoyo's underwear . errrrrr . well . I didn't really know where they are now.  
  
I blushed as I remembered what happened last night. It was my first time as well as Tomoyo's, we were so nervous that we kept on giggling.  
  
My train of thoughts was suddenly broken by the sound of the phone ringing. I looked at the clock, wondering who'd call at such an early time. And to my disbelief, it was already 11 o'clock! I wrapped a towel around waist and made my way to the phone.  
  
'Hello? Syaoran Li speaking.'  
  
'Mr Li? I am sorry but . I think there is something you need to see. It's about your friend Sakura Kinomoto.' The caller said.  
  
I stopped doing whatever I was doing and felt my heart freeze. Sakura!  
  
'What happened? Is she alright? Who're you?' I said frantically.  
  
'Mr Li, calm down. I'm with the police and we think it's best if you come to see for yourself what had happened. I'm sorry, Mr Li, but that's all I can give you.' Said the police officer.  
  
I was breathing heavily by now, 'where can we meet?'  
  
'In her house, Mr Li. We think it'll be a good idea if you bring your wife too.' I didn't wonder at that precise moment how she knew I was married.  
  
'I'll be there.' I said in shaky voice. And hung up.  
  
I went back to the bedroom, and saw that Tomoyo was dressing. She smiled when she heard me come in, but the smile immediately disappeared when she saw my ghostly pale face.  
  
'Syaoran, sweetie, what happened?' Her gentle and melodic voice didn't work their magic this time as I tried to find my own voice.  
  
'It's . it's Sakura . something's happened to her.' Tomoyo's froze as she stared horrified at me.  
  
'What! What did she do? Is she alright?' Her voice was awfully panicky.  
  
I shook my head, and answered truthfully. 'That was the police. They . they said it'll be best if we're there to see for ourselves.'  
  
I didn't know why, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that the truth is going to be unpleasant. Sakura. what did you do?  
  
Ten minutes later. After Tomoyo and I have put on casual clothes without a single word exchanged, we're at the car. I was in the driving seat. Tomoyo sat immobile next to me. None of us spoke a word.  
  
When we finally reached Sakura's flat. I was surprised to see police crowding around the front of the building block, trying to shoo away the curious pedestrians. We forced our way to the front, where we told an officer our names and our purpose for being there. He let us in with a nod but I sensed pity and sorrow in his eyes. Why?  
  
Holding Tomoyo's hands, we quickly marched up to Sakura's department. The door was open, so Tomoyo and I just walked straight in. People in black coats, white coats and other coloured coats were walking around the flat. But most of them were all heading towards the bedroom.  
  
I heard a whimper from Tomoyo as her eyes filled with tears. I gulped, knowing that Tomoyo was thinking exactly what I feared. As brave as I could, I cleared my throat.  
  
Immediately, all the eyes turned upon us. But like the officer we met downstairs, they all held pity and sorrow. An old man walked to us and said gently.  
  
'C'mon, you two, the sooner you see this, the sooner it'll be over with.'  
  
I wrapped me arm around Tomoyo's shoulder as I lead her into the bedroom.  
  
The room looked completely normal. A desk, a mirror, a chair, a bed and a window that is open, nothing looked abnormal in the slightest. It looked just like a normal person's bedroom. On the bed, was a pretty girl. Her auburn hair was spread messily around her head. Her emerald eyes were shielded upon a sleeping face. Dark lines of what I recognised as mascara ran down her cheeks, making her skin look paler in comparison. Her lips weren't their usual rosy pink colour, but pale, almost purple.  
  
That girl was Sakura.  
  
She looked as though she was sleeping. But no movement came from anywhere on her body, not even the rise and fall of her chest. I knew something was definitely wrong.  
  
I walked cautiously to her. All eyes following me as I did. Slowly, I fingered the quilt that covered her body and halted. A transparent liquid drop. I knew it was a tear. My hands started to tremble as I tightened my grip on the fabric. Closing my eyes briefly and taking a deep breath, I pulled the cover back.  
  
My blood ran cold and my heart froze when I saw the redness on the bed. Red with blood. Red with Sakura's blood.  
  
It was then I saw them. The two lethal gashes on her wrists, blood had obviously flowed from them, but all that remained now was just dark, dried paint. They can never be washed, never be cleaned, never be reversed.  
  
Permanent marks, that's what they were.  
  
I bit my bottom lip, trying desperately to choke back the sobs that were forming down my throat, but barely succeeding. I reached my hand out, trembling as I caressed Sakura's cheek as I did to Tomoyo. She felt cold to the touch, cold to the bone, cold to the core.  
  
She was dead.  
  
The words inside my head was the last trigger as all the tears I had been holding broke free. They ran down my crestfallen face like escaped beads from the chain. They flowed and flowed and flowed . but sadly, they weren't able to take my sadness with them. And the pain remained stronger than before.  
  
Why?! Sakura? Why did you do this? If you had a problem, you could've came to me or Tomoyo. You knew that!! This wasn't the way to solve it!!!  
  
I heard movement beside me and found myself looking into the face of a puffy eyed Tomoyo. Her lips never once stopped quivering, and tears were making their way down her face like a never stopping river. My eyes met hers as we stared at each other silently. She took my hand and squeezed, just like what I'd done in our wedding. It was a sign of reassurance. A mutual understanding passed through our eyes. No words were needed, just the presence of each other being there.  
  
I don't know how long we stayed there, looking at the girl we both loved so much. We were each reliving the memories we shared with her. Her radiant smiles and bright emerald eyes were like sunshine in a storm.  
  
At long last, I stood up, not able to look into the face I knew so well, and cherished so much. I walked around the room, taking glances at the mirror, window, the carpet, walls, and finally the desk.  
  
I walked unconsciously towards it. A small pink book was laid neatly on the table. I tried to focus my mind on why I was looking at it as though it was the answer to everything.  
  
Then suddenly, my mind started running again and I stared at the book with my brain clear and functioning.  
  
The words written on the book was everything I needed to know.  
  
"Sakura Kinomoto's Private Diary"..  
  
  
  
A/N I wrote a better version than this yesterday but somehow I lost it so I had to make up one again -_- it's so annoying. I remembered I had a good ending as well. Suck, man, I'm telling, seriously suck!!! 


	4. Too Late

  
  
Chapter 4  
  
TOO LATE  
  
  
  
SYAORAN'S POV  
  
It has been 3 days since we've discovered the unexpected suicide from Sakura. The shock still hasn't quite worn off, but I was getting used to it. People from all over came to Tokyo, expressing their sorrow and sympathy. The funeral was to be held in the same church that Tomoyo and I married in, it was only a week away now.  
  
I looked down for what seemed like the millionth time. The little pink book laid carefully on my lap. But I just couldn't bring myself to open it. What if it was something I did that made Sakura . kill herself? Do I really want to know?  
  
I sighed, not understanding why everything turned so wrong. I couldn't cry anymore, though I kind of want to, at least it's better than sitting here like an idiot feeling sorry for myself. Tomoyo had gone slightly mad. Crazy. I suppose the shock had a huge impact on her than the rest of us. Soon after we've found the cold body, Tomoyo began to talk. Not to anyone, mind. But to Sakura. She acted as if nothing had happened and Sakura was still with us. They sent her to a mental institution for a few weeks. Just until she recovers from the shock, they said. I don't know about that but I don't thing I'd ever recover from it. Sakura was always such a cheerful person. Why did she kill herself all of a sudden?  
  
Just read the damn book, idiot and you'll know!  
  
I looked down again. Thumb fingering the cover. Just open it!!! I sighed heavily and flip it over.  
  
Yup, it was definitely Sakura's diary. Her small neat handwriting was easy enough to recognise. I saw the first date and realised that she mustn't have got this book for very long. Did she have another diary? I wondered.  
  
I ignored all my thoughts and worries, and began to read.  
  
*  
  
1/4/90 Sunday  
  
YAY!!! Finally, I'm 18!!! Now I can drink alcohol without asking dad first. Today's a weird day. Tomoyo and Syaoran kept on giggling around each other, not like they never do (roll my eyes), they were actin kind of mysterious as well, almost as if they're sharing a secret I don't know. Maybe they are, or maybe I'm just being stupid.  
  
Nothing really happened today. Tomoyo, Syaoran and I just went shopping at the mall. Hehe, you should have seen Syaoran, he looked so cute when he carried all our bags and trailed behind us like a servant. I almost ran o -  
  
*  
  
I flipped the page. I didn't want to remember that memory. And . did Sakura call me cute?! I was confused but let it go anyway. Instead, I found a more recent entry and continued from there. After all, I didn't want to pry into Sakura's private life; I just wanted to know why she . did what she did.  
  
*  
  
9/11/90 Tuesday  
  
Today is the worst day of my life. Yelan and Sonomi has announced that Syaoran and Tomoyo are to get married in 2 weeks time. They said they didn't tell us because it was supposed to be a surprise.  
  
Oh! Tomoyo and Syaoran looked so happy, they kissed and kissed and kissed. I felt so left out as I stood silently in the shadows. Why can't I be the o-  
  
*  
  
I froze, finally digesting the information I had just read. Sakura didn't like the engagement. But why? Was she jealous that we might leave her out? No, that didn't sound like her, but why didn't she like it then? This doesn't make any sense, she looked so happy when she was told. Maybe that was a mask. Why though?  
  
I flipped to the last entry, not even bothering to read the rest. If it was her last entry then it'll definitely contain some information to why she killed.  
  
I didn't want to finish the sentence. Instead, I just flipped through the pages and found the last page. The ink was smudged, dried splodges were still imprinted on the page, I guess tears fell when she was writing this. Plus, the handwriting wasn't neat like they were on the previous pages.  
  
*  
  
24/11/90 Sunday  
  
This is it, I've decided. I'm going to do it, it's the only way I'll ever find peace and quiet.  
  
I've been there, done everything I could for them. I've smiled, I've walked, I've done everything. Hah! If only they knew how I really felt. It's hard enough watching the one you love loving someone else already. I don't need an eternal commitment. I shouldn't be doing this, but like I said, it's the only way.  
  
But I'm so young, I've got so much to do in life yet. I always wanted to go to Scotland to see the famous Loch Ness Monster, and America to go to Hollywood. So much for dreams I guess. Welcome to reality, Sakura.  
  
Will I regret this? Probably, but it's just as well. If the answer is what I think it is, I'd rather not ask him and face the humiliation, not to mention pain. This is my life, and it's my decision when I want to end it. I'm sorry Father, I'm a disgrace to the whole family, you deserve a better daughter. And Touya, I guess I did need your protection after all, forgive me for my stupidity, you were right all along.  
  
I shouldn't have fallen in love, especially not with him. I should have taken more care with my choice of affection. But I was so young, so naïve, I didn't even understand love then. Sometimes, things just don't go your way, no matter how much you want it to.  
  
So, this is the end. Goodbye to all of those I've known in this world, and may your last remembrance of me be one you'll love and cherish.  
  
Signed  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
PS can you believe I'm still in love with him even after all this? I still love him. Syaoran.  
  
*  
  
I dropped the book.  
  
SHE LOVED ME?!?! What the.? How? When? I mean.? I couldn't believe it. She loved me?! And I never knew! How can this be? I was in complete shock for the second time in 3 days.  
  
Slowly, I began to think more carefully about the way Sakura always acted around me. It was true! She did act different. Whenever I smile at her, she'd either look down to the ground or look away, she must be blushing. And whenever I kiss Tomoyo, she never looks at us, I always thought she find it slightly disgusting or thought we'd like a bit of privacy. But I've never thought of . this.  
  
You may not believe me, but I didn't feel honoured that two people love me. I didn't feel boastful. This wasn't something to feel proud about. Because of me, someone died!!! I killed someone without even acknowledging it!  
  
Silently, I asked myself a question I've never asked before.  
  
'Did I really love Tomoyo? Or did I love Sakura?'  
  
I sat there, thinking for hours. Asking myself again and again. At long last, I finally knew the answer.  
  
I walked out of the house, got into the car and drove. After a period of time, I reached my destination. A cliff.  
  
I got out of my car, carrying the diary in my hands. A few families set out their picnics on the grass. The children were running around, chasing butterflies. They didn't have a single worry on their minds. How I envy them.  
  
I walked up to the edge.  
  
It was a beautiful sight. Hundreds metres below my feet, was a long, flowing river. I could hear the splashes as the water crash onto the rocks. In the horizon was the city, but it looked so small. The sun was setting, the last rays of the sun highlighted the clouds, making them a orange- crimson colour. Birds tweeted in the trees or flew to their nests, preparing for another day.  
  
I took every little detail in carefully, embedding them in my brain, in my memory.  
  
I reached a hand into my jacket pocket, finding a red biro. I flipped the diary to the last page and wrote my say in it.  
  
I then turned back to the front cover and ran my hands over the inscription. Great, big tears fell onto the cover. I rubbed them off carelessly. After holding it to my chest for a minute and taking in the scent of the little book. I dropped it into the river.  
  
I watched silently as it met the water surface, where it floated. I watched as it flowed out of sight with the rest of the river.  
  
And then I left. That was the last time anyone has ever seen me.  
  
  
  
NORMAL POV  
  
(3 months later)  
  
A young boy was playing near a river when he saw a faded pink book on the riverbank. Curiously, he walked closer and picked it up. The sun had dried the book completely but the writing on the front cover was still barely legible.  
  
'Sahu . se . ret . Diavy?' He tried to read it, but failing to make any sense from it. Ignoring the unsuccessful attempt, the boy turned the pages.  
  
The ink was so mixed up that he was only able to make out a few words. It had obviously been someone's diary, he was sure of that. He carried on flipping until he reached the last page.  
  
He stopped . somehow, the water wasn't able to disfigure the last few words on that page. A different pen perhaps?  
  
There, a few lines underneath the unreadable splodges, was a sentence.  
  
"I love you too, Sakura."  
  
  
  
A/N well?! What do you think? I couldn't be bothered to make this a really long story because I've too many other ideas. Sorry!!! Hehe, didn't really take much care of this chapter so I reckon it's a bit crap. Sorry again. I just cannot think of a better ending. 


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